News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft
Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every
aspect of American life with the introduction of
Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users
who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in
peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial
leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.The
product addresses two important user concerns: the need for
virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the
non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products:
Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from
Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0
is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two
expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the
Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual
services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a
package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo
niches.
While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional
copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next
year.
OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs
to install the package.
At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum
hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product
installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most
requirements. After installation, operation commences. One
caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete
the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is
initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to
turn off your partner.
DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures
were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection
Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions
had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated.
The product needs to be installed each time its used.
CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its
drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price
tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully,
future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing
functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible
Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about "Our
contraceptive products will help users do to each other what
we've been doing to our customers for years."
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