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Gender Jokes

The Real Man Test (with 2 total ratings)

Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions.

Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men

and enriching their own lives if they

carefully review the "C" answers.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the

Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token

of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small

but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing

all disease, providing an

infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and

poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence

all over the entire Earth.

You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.

B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United


C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful

life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence.

B. Idealism.

C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection

without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.

B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)

C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is

the only really sportsman - like way to let him know that,

for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.

B. A dog.

C. A dog that eats cats.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's

attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy

being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of

you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game;

she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear

blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you,

but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing

where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking

whether you want to

get married; only whether you believe that you have some

kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a

future, but you don't want to rush it.

B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you

can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to

make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by

holding out false hope.

C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on

third and seventeen.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and

you want to spend the rest of your life with

her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to

offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after


B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say

her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea

breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes,

you tell her.

C. Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and

asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your

first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"

B. "They're in school already?"

C. "There are three of them?"

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran


A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and

developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones

were originally intended for your legs.

B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear

molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.

C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real

guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody

and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife is

quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she

is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more

intimate relationship with it than with her).

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation

for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place

for forty years before they finally got to the Promised


A. He was being tested.

B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land

when they finally got there.

C. He refused to ask for directions.

10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.

B. Religion.

C. Remote control.

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